The Cloud Has Lifted

Depression is a strange and illusive creature that creeps into a life and makes it seem normal to always see the negative first and fight for the positive.  It snatches the warm loving feeling that once used to move the victim to happy tears and turns them to acid rain that no one can see. It whispers guilt and paranoia to the weakened self.

It hasn't been easy being me. My childhood was not easy.  I was loved.  I had my needs met, but it was forever changing…. not predictable.  Many marriages, many families that came and went.   I often tell my own children how good they have it.  They have it good.  Divorce sucks.

I think I have lived most of my life depressed.  Floating around here and there and never really feeling like I fit anywhere….  I know I am a hard one.  I know…

But, I have it good. I have my mom in my soul.  I have my dad and Linda.  I have my sisters and my brother who is getting well so he can come back to us. I have the Johnson family.  I have Kevin and his McKees.  I have my job.  I have my friends. I have our friends.  I have my children whom I sacrifice so much for… I love them. I love my own children more than words can say.  I have running even when I can't run.  I have my Winnie dog. I have my church even if I fail to be a part. I have Christ. I have forgiveness.  I have grace.

I don't feel guilty for being me.  I like me… most of the time.  I like myself more lately.

I haven't felt  depressed now for almost a year.

The cloud has lifted.