It has been over seven years since that traumatic summer when my mom's life ended right before my eyes. It had been difficult leading up with the guilt of not being there and the shock when I was. It took me a long time to crawl back to life.
One person whose child was in my class that spring before my mom passed actually said to me in a meeting where the woman had no filter for saying awful, untrue things about me said, " You need to take a happy pill!" I will never forgive that confrontation. It should not have happened. It was unfair. It hurt me to the core. But, it is gone now, and so is my mom. The memory of both are firm in my mind.
Why?
Seven years have passed. They have not been an easy seven years. Professionally I felt suffocated by expectations. Personally I have given into the fact that I am a teacher, so lots of life passes me by. I am ok with that.... now and the climate has changed. But, it has been a lot of years of feeling alone in a crowd.
As a runner I have enjoyed the base I spent years building. Being a runner is just who I am. I at times have felt guilty even about this.... but that is gone now.
I do miss my mom. I miss her every minute of every day. I wish she knew my awesome children as young adults. I wish she could come and have a glass of wine in the backyard with me and Kevin . I wish she could enjoy my quirky Winnie chasing lizards in the bushes or cowering from the wind. I wish I could just be with my mom.
She just died too young. I am ok.
No comments:
Post a Comment