Allowing Failure

Yesterday I hustled out of school to give myself time to shower and put on my red dress, red high heels, red lipstick and mascara. At 3:45 we loaded the kids in the car, locked the pup in the front room and headed up to Cal Poly for Kevin to get his award from the National Center for Women & Information Technology.

Upon our arrival on campus it was cold and windy and I began to have the first inkling that maybe I was slightly overdressed. We were a half hour early for the 6 PM event. Walking in the door the first thing I noticed was that the event coordinator was dressed how I normally dress for school.Wearing nice yet casual pants and boots with a long sleeve T shirt of some kind, she looked like she had just walked out of a Title Nine catalog. I was sure she was even wearing my brands; Horny Toad and Born. Darn! I just didn't feel like myself in that red dress and heels. I wanted to shout out, "I wore this for Kevin!" Needless to say, I kept my mouth shut and my coat on. By the time the program started I forgot all about what I was wearing under my coat anyway.

The evening was about women in a world of technology that is heavily dominated by men. The evening was about dreaming big. The first speaker was a young lady who had gone to Cal Poly for her undergrad work and came out with a BA in animal something or other only to realize that this was not what she wanted to be or do. What did she do? She started taking computer science classes and entered an entirely new field with an MA in computer sciences from Cal Poly. Now she has a the job of her dreams at a software company that makes educational tools and apps. Wow! She was so inspiring to me. If only that had been me 24 years ago!

The next thing on the program was a panel of young ladies who are now computer science majors at Cal Poly. These women echoed the message of the speaker. Several of them had also kind of fallen into computer science and discovered a world that opened so many doors for them. One speaker said something that I wish I had learned for myself years and years ago. " It is OK to fail at first. Don't let fear hold you back. Failing at first is the way to learn sometimes." Wow! How freeing that is to embrace this concept. I have told students this over and over, but I have NEVER believed this for myself. If you are giving it your all, it is OK to fail. Sometimes dreaming big means allowing yourself to fail.

Before we left Abbey and I were alone walking to the restroom. Our conversation was something like this:

"This was really good! "

"I know, it is so inspiring. You know, Abbey, you could be one of them very soon."

"But, I don't know anything."

"Abbey, you are only in the 6th grade. You have the brains to do it."

I didn't say this part but I was thinking it...

"Didn't you hear her Abbey when she said it is ok to fail at the beginning? Did you hear as all the girls up there echoed that it wasn't easy, but now they are finding success in a male dominated major? Don't you know that I was really good at math once in my life and probably would have been able to train my brain to do what these girls are doing, but I was too scared of failure and took the easy way out? Abbey don't be like me. You are better than that."

To make a long story short, last night I was more than a proud wife. I was also a proud mother who is sure her daughter will discover herself much sooner in life than I did. I know if I had been a young lady sitting there, I would have been changed. Why?...because I was. It is just a little late to call myself a young lady, but you never know.